Similarly, April J. Lisbon, Ed. Especially if women are bored, adds Dr. For instance, hypnotherapist Jennifer Schlueter got involved with a bad boy from another country and culture.
Bad boys can seem taboo, which further adds to their appeal. Melancon, who fell for a bad boy herself. I had a number of people in my life question what I was doing with him, which, in a Romeo and Juliet sort of way, only strengthened my attraction.
Women who feel besieged by threats often fall for tough guys, with their disregard for social norms and willingness to quickly escalate frustration to hostility, threats, and aggression, says psychologist Forrest Talley, Ph. Of course, there's no one to act as a buffer if that aggression gets turned around and comes your way.
Women are often into fixer-uppers, says Dr. According to psychiatrist Dr. Margaret Seide, M. Unfortunately, due to societal pressures, women are often on an eternal quest for validation and that elusive feeling of being enough.
The pursuit of bad boys is just another example of this. Feuerman says. Unfortunately, as Dr. Talley points out, it can be a trap. Women with rejecting, aloof parents or other close family members might be drawn to bad boys, says psychoanalyst and psychotherapist, Nina Savelle-Rocklin, Psy. Unfortunately, it never works because rejecting people don't suddenly become accepting.
We keep playing out the same drama, putting new people in old roles. Cunningham adds. That said, there are exceptions: Dr. Product Reviews. Home Ideas. United States.
Type keyword s to search. She's used to things and people being too good to be true. And that's why she wants to preserve one of the few good things, or souls in her life, by not tarnishing your mental image with her past experiences.
And that's why you don't see what I'm about to show you; that's why you will never know what I'm about to tell you because she will never say it. Be careful with the woman you're with for she has been through a lot. And you don't know the half of it. Sure, she's told you stories about her past; incidents that left her scarred. But, you weren't there to witness it with her. You don't know what it's really like. She's seen storms stir up and she's been in the middle of it.
She's see battles start and end, leaving her bruised. No, the battle didn't break her. But, it broke the spirit in her to see what it did to those she cared for. She's seen things blow up right in front of her eyes. So, don't blame her for being too scared of coming too close. Be careful with the woman you're with. You don't know what she's been through—from trivial fights to abusive episodes; from depressive states to domestic violence.
She's watched as love turned sour and upturned everything in its way. She's seen the warmth of a loved one turn into the wrath of betrayal.
She's seen aggression stem from nothing and nowhere and ruin the very core of a person. And she's stood helpless not knowing what to do. She's seen people hurt; she has hurt alongside. She's seen anxiety ruin a person and panic destroy a place. She's seen tears and scars; fire and flood. She's burned and drowned; and cried and bruised. Be careful with the woman you're with because she'll never let you into her darkness in fear of having consumed you with it. She will keep you where the light shines brightest so she can always see you happy.
And so, take her gently by the hand; assure her that you don't scare easily. That you will be standing right where you are—next to her—even after she has shown you the darkest parts of her soul. Cajole her; she will need it more than once, just like she would need your reassurance, time and again; each time as gentle, but more pressing than the last. You'll see her cry; and when she does, it will either be tiny sniffles or silent sobs that leave both of you speechless.
Be there when she cries, hold her safely so she knows no harm will come to her; that she's not going to get hurt. Let her know that unlike the others who let the tears dry off her cheeks as she lay exhausted and spent from all the sorrow, you will wipe away each drop that leaves her eyes; that you will console her, even when she is inconsolable. She's been to the abyss and feared never being able to get out of it. She's been to the peak and feared falling off into nothing.
She's felt the hurt—physical, mental and emotional. Some scars have healed; others, not so much. Some scars still show through the marks on her skin; others, not so much. But, it's the ones that she's hiding; the ones that can't be seen that she's still battling. When you see her scars—which will take time and patience—caress them for they are a part of her now.
They made her what she is—bittersweet and rough around the edges. Be the healing she needs in the most desperate of times. And know that there will be many such times. Be careful with the woman you're with because she's apprehensive of you being just like the others in the past. She's afraid of you being the sum total of all the men in her life; even the women because it's strange how so much of the betrayal comes from the ones who are supposed to understand you most.
She's afraid that you will do exactly what all of them did. She's afraid you'll remind her of her father. She's afraid that the aggression and the violence will only be history repeating itself yet again. She's afraid that you'll prove her right; that her worst fears will have finally been realized. She's afraid; haunted by her past. Show her that there are no more ghosts; only shadows in the background and those don't matter as long as there's even a little light in the room.
Be there to hold her when the fear comes back to grip her. The woman you're with is counting on you; taking every word you say literally, hanging on to it for longer than you meant it.
She's collecting every single moment spent with you; turning it into a lifetime. She's making a note of who you are and what you stand for; hoping against all hope that you stay true to your words; to whom you were when you first met her.
She's hoping that you meant what you said a year ago, even today and every tomorrow that follows. So be aware of every time you use the word 'promise'.
She expects you to mean it; hopes that you would keep it. Be careful of the woman you're with. She's breakable even if she doesn't look like it. She's gone a bit crazy from all the madness in her past. She's whole; but with a few cracks every here and there. And every time you flare up she startles just a little. After all those years, she still isn't use to the violence; let alone the anger.
Sure, she tries to go on like it doesn't matter to her anymore; that the harsh words you say and the strength you use doesn't bother her. But, inside she's tense and nervous as a wreck; afraid that her worst fears are being realized.
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